Well, it wasn’t really an adventure. I got off of work at around 3:00 pm again, then caught the No. 6 in and out of Manoa Valley. I caught it into downtown, but today it wasn’t aimlessly because I actually had an errand to run at the bank. Today was the second time in a row that I got this new lady for a teller. I say she’s new because before that last time, I had never seen her before. I remembered this lady because she is so damn awkward. The first time I got her, I thought she was really half-assed and rude. Tellers are usually giving you shit to sign and telling you shit you don’t know (I don’t know a lot of shit), so when we were done with the transaction she didn’t tell me goodbye, which is my retard cue that she had everything and that I was done, so I was just like standing there. Then I finally asked, “Is that it?” like a unsatisfied one-night stand or something, and then she was like yeah. It was awkward. Usually, my bank has polite people. Plus, not to sound shallow, but this chick doesn’t hold up to the other tellers on the attractiveness or age scale. She looks like she should work in a fabric store with a bunch of cats hanging out in the back.
So today when I went in I got the awkward lady for a teller. I forget how the conversation went exactly, but I just remember that she said something that was totally not at the right point in the conversation and I actually paused and probably gave her a weird look. She said something along the lines of, “Hi, welcome!,” but after we had been talking for a while, you know? Weird. Next time I go in, I’m gonna try to get the teller that looks like Nicki Minaj.
I had to pee kind of badly after the bank, and the awkward teller said that maybe I could use the bathrooms across the street at the courthouse, so I went there after. At the elevator entrance to the courthouse there’s this whole security outpost deal with guards, metal detector door things, and the X-ray machine; basically the same shit at airports. Without a thought, I put my backpack on the conveyor belt and as I walked through the metal detector I realized I had my switchblade knife in my fucking backpack. In this moment of realization I wondered if they would just let me go if I promised never to show my face there again. I was seriously like, what the fuck am I gonna do? The alarm went off as I walked through the metal detector thing, and the guy from the other guard station gets up and tells me to take my chain and keys off. I’m kind of panicking at this point, so I walk back through the metal detector, it beeps again, and I take my chain off and put it in a small basket and send it through. Then, the guy takes out what I thought was one of those police batons, and I’m like, holy fuck, they saw the knife on the X-ray monitor! But when he saw that I put my chain and “key” (which was actually a multi-purpose tool thing shaped like a key) he backed off and then I realized that he was only holding a hand-held metal detector. I didn’t think I was out of the woods yet, though, because none of them had addressed the switchblade knife that they had surely seen in the X-ray monitor. When I walked through the detector again – no alarms – I went to grab my backpack and wallet. I looked at the large local woman who was on X-ray monitor duty and, get this, she was talking on her fucking cellphone, not giving her important job the attention it deserved! She was giving me a weird, suspicious look while I was putting my chain back on my belt, but fuck, bitch, the chain is the least of your concerns now that you let a fucking knife into the courthouse! I could have totally fucked that bitch over, but I was so fucking glad I didn’t get caught. I’m such an idiot.
Anyway, the part about the lost soy chai is that I bought one at Starbucks, then walked to the bus stop. When I get to the bus stop my bus arrived so I ditched my soy chai on the ground near a wall so some hobo could finish it, then I got on the bus. Cool story, bro.
Also, I was listening to the Circle Takes the Square album Decompositions – Vol I. Chapter 1. Rites of Initiation which you can buy/listen to here.


